Running my myself out of a rut!

IYA LUV!

It's been a while, hasn't it? Let me tell you, the start of this year really pushed me to new depths when it came to my mental health and to be honest, it still is. 

At the start of this week, I ran 10km for the first time since November last year. IT FELT REALLY BLOODY GOOD. I quite literally ran myself out of a mental rut and I did the exact same today. In fact, I ran 10.1km today - progress!

Two of these lengthy runs in a week is definitely an achievement, so I'm giving myself a pat on the back for that, but don't be deceived: the anxiety I experience before hand is enough to put anyone off doing anything for the whole day. It's just rubbish to be honest, especially when last year I found such a love for running, that this year I am experiencing such difficulty to just get out of the door. 

It happened this morning: I rang my boyfriend, Adam, and cried to him. I discovered I was subconsciously putting pressure on myself to achieve various things today that weren't priorities. I felt sad, mentally tired and so far from myself because everything felt clouded with anxious energy and sadness. He made me smile and laugh and once I'd verbalised the problem, I knew what was holding me back and so I let go. 

As a result of the anxiety and procrastination I go through before almost every run, it often means I leave the house right in the middle of the day which then means my time to prep, run, stretch and shower/bath takes up to two or two and a half hours. Come the middle of the afternoon, I'm then aware that whatever I choose to do needs to be something that demands little physical and often, mental energy too.

I don't know if anyone reading this experiences the same or similar occurrences, but if it takes all morning for you to tell yourself you can go out for a run and actually do it, thus taking up a few hours of your day, that isn't a bad thing. If anything, you've conquered an anxiety, a fear or something that was holding you back. You've experienced an emotion or feeling, you've addressed it and chosen to move forward. That's why I love running, because you're always moving forward... unless you choose to run backward, then fair play to you!

Achieving something is so much easier than we think it is. 

You could choose to get out of bed, make breakfast and shower... already you have achieved something. You've chosen to cease the day, fuel your body and prepare for what's ahead of you. Imagine if you didn't do that, and how you might feel - it's not really worth thinking about, is it? 

It doesn't actually matter how long it takes for you to do the thing you want to do, what matters is, you came to doing it, hurdles or not.

I found that my inner monologue when running 10km really reflects the journey I go on before I leave the house (on particularly anxious days):

First km: YEEEEAAAHHH! I can feel the wind in my hair, I'm gonna run and be bad ass and it's gonna be great - let's go!

Second km: Okay, I need to slow down my pace a little but it's cool. Also, my breathing is a bit erratic but you know, it'll pass... right?

Third km: A swinging pendulum between feeling in control and out of control.

Fourth km: I have so got this! I'm nearly at half way, what was I so bothered about in km 1, 2 and 3?!

Fifth km: Half way, yes! Feeling strong... oh, oh hang on... I got excited about reaching half way and now my breathing is all over the place again. CONCENTRATE! You can do this.

Sixth km: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD?! So pumped!

Seventh km: I need to slow down a little, remember: everything at my own pace.

Eighth km: What day is it? I feel so out of it. Maybe I should stop... I mean, I have just gotten to 9km...

Ninth km: Oh NOW I've reached 9km, well done gal. Look at what you've already achieved - keep going!

Ten km: ...Well I've gotten this far, I might as well keep going! 

Even writing that made me laugh - the two processes are ironically similar. 

Anyway, that's enough from me. I hope you're overcoming those anxieties, worries and fears and making the best of each day, even though it's hard. It's really important that you keep going.

Sending loads of love and air hugs, 

Rebecca x

P.S. Let's stay connected: linktr.ee/RebeccaPhythian