Thank you, Ma'am.

IYA LUVS!

I hope you're all doing okay. If you need a hug right now, consider this a virtual one. 

I've debated over these past few months whether I wanted to continue blogging or whether my time to write in this sense had come to a natural end. Then yesterday, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II passed away and for many, the feeling of loss, as if they had lost a family member or a constant presence in their lives, was incredible. 

It was a significant moment of change for our country; a definitive moment in time that many of us will never forget, and my thoughts are with the Royal Family and those mourning the loss of our Queen. 

If I wasn't already feeling lost, I certainly was yesterday, and I started to think about so many different things and people; people I missed, people I'd lost, things that were happening currently and things I wanted to change. 

These past few months, I've very much battled with my mental health in private and as I venture into receiving the help I need, I feel I want to write openly about it, as I have many times before, to ease some of the pressures I currently feel on my mind. 

The way in which I'm going to do that is in form of a letter to my current self, because sometimes, a little pep talk with yourself is exactly what needs to happen, or in my case, is long overdue.

So, here goes...

~

Dear Rebecca, 

I see you there in your favourite jumper! Yeah, that's right - don't think I didn't notice! You feel comforted when you wear that, I know. Maybe you should wear it all day for extra goodness!

Notice how this afternoon, even after feeling lost this morning and like you'd achieved nothing, you took a shower, moved your body, meditated and ate well. You naturally gravitated to doing those things because they make you happy and I'm proud of you for that. 

I know you feel sad, and it feels like there's an overwhelming amount of strands to that sadness right now, but please know that you can let it out and that you are supported.

You are not weak and whatever you may be thinking, you are most certainly not a failure. 

In fact, you do so much that you don't give yourself credit for. So, I want you to promise me that you will at least try to praise or reward yourself for all that you do. 

You deserve time off too, and I know you find that hard to hear! Now more than ever, you have to prioritise your health, in every aspect and taking a step back to rest or to have a break, is a good thing. 

Oh, and that's another thing, you've always been the kind of person that makes things happen both for herself and other people. You enjoy doing your own thing and you always have. So let me just remind you to keep doing your thing and that the people you should surround yourself with, with naturally gravitate towards you.

Do not give in to the worry that you are not where you are meant to be. Trust me, you are. 

Finally, that passionate, silly and caring person you are hasn't gone anywhere, she's still right there within you. Right now, she needs a little bit of the focus she puts on other things and people, on herself.

Now, go and drink some water, because you're dehydrated.

Love you gal.

Rebecca x

~

The sun broke through the clouds

brighter than I had seen for a while,

and I reflected on how far I'd come,

on the love I felt within me,

and yet, on this feeling of mourning.

Though with a tender heart and head

I cry,

I know that to grieve

is only to be human.

I will remember with fondness,

their giving nature and eternal light.

Non nobis solum sed toti munti nati:

We are born not just for ourselves but for the whole world.

Lots of love, 

Rebecca x