Isolation Diary ~ Part Seven

IYA LUV!

How are you? 

I wanted to touch base with you, rightly so because it's been ages, and take stock of where I'm at and hopefully allow you to do the same. 

Hormonal seems a feeble understatement for how I've been feeling the past week or so. Granted, mother nature's monthly gift never helps and has only contributed to the amount of chocolate I've consumed. The fact of the matter is, I am struggling with Lockdown at this very moment. Even with the easing of Lockdown restrictions, we still don't know for certain what we should be doing for the best and don't even get me started on the government and the arts... or I might turn into a fire-breathing dragon!

It dawned on me a few weeks ago that I'd need to look for another way to earn a regular income that wasn't acting and that wasn't working front of house in a theatre. Of course, acting is still my number one - my chosen career path but I understand that the likelihood of regular acting work may not occur until perhaps next year. It really is hard to say. 

In the meantime, I want to pursue another pathway alongside acting which will allow me to do something I am truly passionate about whilst earning money. So right now, I am beginning that journey; of getting the qualifications I need to become a singing teacher and a good one hopefully! 

Do I get angry and frustrated that it won't happen overnight? God, yes! It's like I'm working toward a sense of security but don't have it yet. Foolish really because before the frustration even came, I'd reasoned with myself in saying, "This will take time, but it will be worth it." I still stand by that wholeheartedly, but whilst in Lockdown, it's hard to not feel this sense of pressure on ourselves to fill each moment with something productive and tick all those things we want to achieve off our to-do list within a day, a week or a month... I mean come on - there are few things that are truly that easy!

I think one thing that has helped me in really pursuing the growth of my YouTube channel and creating content I'm really passionate about. It's given me a sense of focus at times when I felt I had none. 

I know that my head is trying to sabotage my every move and thought at the minute and that's okay. I think it's won a few times, but I am only human and I know how much worse I feel when I give into little demon Becca in my brain. Regardless, what's important is moving forward even if it's hella slowly, whilst being in a pure state of depression or anxiety or hangryness (yes, I just made up a word. I experience hangryness at least twice a day.) 

Just that act of carrying on shows great strength. I think it is a clear indication that what's happening right now will not last longer than it needs to. 

I think... no, I know that I am fortunate. To have a wonderful family and group of friends that genuinely have my back. The kind of family and friends that will sit with me when I'm down and fix my crown when I feel ready to stand. I think my sense of self would not be as whole throughout this if I didn't have that. 

Thank you. X

I'm feel reassured by the fact I am able to write so freely in my blogs and speak so freely on my social media platforms, even at times such as these. That's a choice I actively choose to make. Anyone who knows me well will tell you I am awful at putting on a front anyway, so really - there's just no point! I have to live my truth on both good and bad days. 

Anyway, I do more than enough every day and I know that because I tell my best friend every day what I've done and that's on bad days too. 

So there, brain!

~

I am enough.

You are enough. 

I am doing enough.

You are enough. 

I am fabulous.

You are fabulous. 

Being is just important as doing.

~

Lots of love, 

Rebecca x