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IYA LUV!
I've been wanting to write this blog for about two weeks but mental health and life in general just got in the way, so I've dedicated this time to get every thought - good, bad, ugly or indifferent - down on the screen you see before you!
This evening, I embarked on the last project I will do during my time here at LIPA which will be over on Sunday night. To say I am freaking out and sad to leave this place behind would be an understatement! I bloody love this school - it has taught me to be fearless, to never stop learning and most importantly - be myself! I cannot put into one sentence what the relationships I have formed in this place have done for me. You all know who you are and I hope that in reading this you know how much I love each and every one of you. These people will be at my wedding, I don't even need to think twice about that!
Our third year awards evening was one of the best nights of my life and a glorious way to end our journey together, reminding me that I am ready for this industry and I will continue to work my socks off to achieve every dream I have!
So along with all of that, I also have to mention what happened this week in Manchester. A truly tragic state of affairs that has most definitely left a mark in our society. There are some horrible and scary people in this world but what they cease to realise is that if they mess with us Mancunians, we will come back stronger than we ever have because we are workers, we are fighters and we will support each other in getting back up if we are knocked down!
My thoughts and prayers go to the families that were so devastatingly affected and through the selfless acts of kindness and generosity, we will get through this awful time, together.
I have been questioning my actions a lot in the past fortnight; judging them and wondering whether others are judging them too. In some ways, I have thought I might be taking a step back - that I'm not coping with what's happening in my life right now. I have been reminded by my own thoughts that I suffer from depression and anxiety and that I take tablets everyday in order for me to try and combat it.
If I'm being honest, I'm tired of my own mind! It's like I have a permanent devil in a cloud of dreariness telling me, "that's wrong, you're wrong, everything is wrong!"
I do the things I do because I feel passionately about them. I am a very passionate individual and happiness is very important to me so it all kind of fits together. I do things to have a positive effect on the people around me, a bit like acting really.
If I'm acting weird or can't talk directly about my emotions, normally it's because I'm struggling to suss out whether it'll make you happy. A cup of tea and a chat tackles that bad boy! 😄
I guess, the reason for me telling you this is because I think it's important for the people you love and care for to be able to love and care for you and support you in the best way possible.
I can only imagine how hard it must be on the receiving end of an anxiety attack, panic attack or a bad bout of depression. In my eyes, it is equally important for the person supporting you to know how to do that as it is the sufferer being able to open up.
I admit, I find it really difficult to talk about. For anyone who agree's, it's normally because you don't want to be a burden or you don't want to inflict your sadness or worries onto someone you love, right?
From my own experience, you have to be incredibly courageous to overcome such feelings. Do not push people away because they are only trying to help you in the best way they possibly can.
I want to get myself to a place where I can go through a whole day and not worry about something. I want to be able to talk to the person I love and not feel like my mind is imploding. I want to be able to find my feet again and not miss out on life whilst I'm at it. I can only do that through support from others and by supporting myself.
Thank you to everyone that has shown me kindness and positivity today, because you really really made a difference and I wrote this blog.
Lots of love,
Rebecca x
I've been wanting to write this blog for about two weeks but mental health and life in general just got in the way, so I've dedicated this time to get every thought - good, bad, ugly or indifferent - down on the screen you see before you!
This evening, I embarked on the last project I will do during my time here at LIPA which will be over on Sunday night. To say I am freaking out and sad to leave this place behind would be an understatement! I bloody love this school - it has taught me to be fearless, to never stop learning and most importantly - be myself! I cannot put into one sentence what the relationships I have formed in this place have done for me. You all know who you are and I hope that in reading this you know how much I love each and every one of you. These people will be at my wedding, I don't even need to think twice about that!
Our third year awards evening was one of the best nights of my life and a glorious way to end our journey together, reminding me that I am ready for this industry and I will continue to work my socks off to achieve every dream I have!
So along with all of that, I also have to mention what happened this week in Manchester. A truly tragic state of affairs that has most definitely left a mark in our society. There are some horrible and scary people in this world but what they cease to realise is that if they mess with us Mancunians, we will come back stronger than we ever have because we are workers, we are fighters and we will support each other in getting back up if we are knocked down!
My thoughts and prayers go to the families that were so devastatingly affected and through the selfless acts of kindness and generosity, we will get through this awful time, together.
I have been questioning my actions a lot in the past fortnight; judging them and wondering whether others are judging them too. In some ways, I have thought I might be taking a step back - that I'm not coping with what's happening in my life right now. I have been reminded by my own thoughts that I suffer from depression and anxiety and that I take tablets everyday in order for me to try and combat it.
If I'm being honest, I'm tired of my own mind! It's like I have a permanent devil in a cloud of dreariness telling me, "that's wrong, you're wrong, everything is wrong!"
I do the things I do because I feel passionately about them. I am a very passionate individual and happiness is very important to me so it all kind of fits together. I do things to have a positive effect on the people around me, a bit like acting really.
If I'm acting weird or can't talk directly about my emotions, normally it's because I'm struggling to suss out whether it'll make you happy. A cup of tea and a chat tackles that bad boy! 😄
I guess, the reason for me telling you this is because I think it's important for the people you love and care for to be able to love and care for you and support you in the best way possible.
I can only imagine how hard it must be on the receiving end of an anxiety attack, panic attack or a bad bout of depression. In my eyes, it is equally important for the person supporting you to know how to do that as it is the sufferer being able to open up.
I admit, I find it really difficult to talk about. For anyone who agree's, it's normally because you don't want to be a burden or you don't want to inflict your sadness or worries onto someone you love, right?
From my own experience, you have to be incredibly courageous to overcome such feelings. Do not push people away because they are only trying to help you in the best way they possibly can.
I want to get myself to a place where I can go through a whole day and not worry about something. I want to be able to talk to the person I love and not feel like my mind is imploding. I want to be able to find my feet again and not miss out on life whilst I'm at it. I can only do that through support from others and by supporting myself.
Thank you to everyone that has shown me kindness and positivity today, because you really really made a difference and I wrote this blog.
Lots of love,
Rebecca x
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